Laura responds to an Expose article which detailed just why men hate your entire wardrobe.

So that’s it then, the cat is out of the bag. After years of pretending we didn’t notice or care about the clothes women wear we have decided to come clean. We, the men, have many opinions about your fashion choices. Below are some additional pointers that we feel may have been unclear on the Expose list.


1. Shoes

Funny ankle boots, pointy toes and too high heels but lets just be clear: unless it’s absolutely necessary we don’t really think you have much use for shoes. Now we are not exactly saying we want you barefoot and pregnant but between the kitchen and the bedroom how much protection could your feet possibly need?


2. Jewellery

We hate any kind of jangly jewellery. All that sound just distracts and confuses us. It’s also difficult to assess your tits when there is a monstrous ‘chunky’ chain in the way, give us a break girls, we have sooo many boobs to judge and so little time.


3. Hair accessories and hats

We have already pointed out that headbands, particularly with “lots of stuff on them” and are ridiculous but we’re actually adverse to almost all kinds of headwear. It’s etiquette 101 to remove hats as a sign of politeness. So, basically, just show us some respect.


4. Skirts

Skirts follow the same basic principles as shorts. Too short and you look like a slut. We know what you are trying to do and we won’t fall for it, we are much too clever. Too long and we feel you are trying to hide something. Think carefully before you choose a skirt ladies and when in doubt seek some advice. Seriously, ask us.


5. Anything inspired by 80s’ fashion

We remember the eighties (vaguely) and we recall power dressing and all of that other nonsense. We absolutely insist that you do not try to bring anything from that decade back into style. While obviously we want all of you to look the same as each other we do not want you to look like us.


6. Pants

We have revised our opinion on pants and decided that it is not just leggings we hate; we hate you wearing all pants. It’s almost like you don’t care about how sexually attractive we find you and that just hurts our feelings. We are the men and we wear the trousers.


So that brings you up to speed, we are sick of pandering to you. You’re welcome in advance for the advice, we thought you’d eventually realise all of this on your own but we are not mad at you. Just disappointed. Also as to why Expose found it necessary to solicit our opinion on what you wear? Silly you thinking that your fashion choices were choices you made for yourself.