Don't want to follow the news? Bluff it.

Here are five thing to pretend to know this Tuesday.

Thai universities clamp down on cheating

Universities in Thailand have come up with a novel way to stop cheating in exams. Students are being forced to wear a headband with A4 pages stapled to either side. The bizarre hats are intended to prevent the wearer from looking at what other students have written. It’s gonna take a lot more than two A4 pages and a stupid headband to stop Campus cheating in exams.

Stoned in Seattle

The Gardaí could learn a lot from the Seattle Police Department. Officers distributed packets of Doritos at a pro marijuana festival in the city. Patrons of Hempfest were amazed to be handed the snacks by officers. The crisps came complete with stickers informing people not to drive while high, smoke marijuana in public or give the drug to anyone under 21. The SPD called their operation at the three day festival ‘Operation Orange Fingers’ on account of the Doritos.

Whoa Nellie

One Direction’s Niall Horan is off the market, the pop star is rumoured to be dating fellow singer Ellie Goulding. The couple are being dubbed ‘Nellie’ by the tabloids and follow in the illustrious footsteps of previous celebrity couples ‘Bennifer’ and ‘Tomkat’. Like teenage girls everywhere Campus is distraught at the news, reduced to eating dozens of tubs of Ben & Jerry’s and watching Pretty Woman daily.

And the winner is

The winner of the annual Rose of Tralee will be announced tonight. The pageant has been running for more than 50 years and like the Eurovision remains bewildering popular among Irish people. Campus has 10 grand on the Sydney Rose, so will be glued to the final.

How chubby is your checker?

Veteran American singer Chubby Checker, has been granted permission to sue Hewlett Packard over attempts to use his name for an app that proports to measure the size of a man's genitals. Checker, born Ernest Evans, is upset that his name would be used in a "vulgar pun". The app proports to estimate the chubbiness of a man's checker by the size of his shoes.