Apps are taking over the world. Okay, so that was a bit of an over-reaction, but stories about apps are now becoming news headlines. Supposedly, harmless apps that let your child talk and dress up virtual cats in Paris are being pegged as giant paedophile

Another app, depicting a tiny bird, flapping its wings and annoying the hell out of the gamer, was the reason for its creator’s mental breakdown. This led to the mental breakdown of countless others, when they realised they couldn’t purchase this game anymore.

Are these moments of panic and madness showing the true colours of our society? I hope not, because the following list contains some of the stupidest apps known to man. The worst part is that they are still on the market after years of being stupid and some very stupid people will even pay money to buy them.

1. Zips/ Zips Lite

A man called Jake Landon invented this, in order to finally give the world a chance to virtually zip and unzip jeans and see whatever underwear they want underneath. I’m trying, but it’s hard to sell a gigantic waste of time. If you’re in the mood to unzip some jeans and see some underwear, go out and meet someone. If you don’t have the time, go to a mirror, but don’t spend 89c on this app.

2. Passion

That romantic moment of the night, when you’re about to get down to it with your partner and your other half turns to you and says “Hey, if only we had a way to rate how good our sex is…” Well now you can. Passion is an app that gives you an accurate score as to how you performed in bed. It rates you from 0-10 in areas such as duration, orgasm and activity, so you can know at the end, just how much of stud you are. WARNING: People who introduce this app in the bedroom, risk never having sex again.

3. Bromance calculator

The worst thing about this next app is that lads will actually download this after reading the article. The description reads “Find out who has your back by checking on their loyalty, humour, honesty and wingmanship.” The app uses a very sophisticated mechanism to answer this pressing question. If you enter your name and your bro’s name and click calculate, you’ll know in an instant.

4. iFart

Do you remember being five-years old and being extremely proud of yourself for learning the skill of underarm farting? Well some genius invented an app that takes the skill out of it and makes money off varying degrees of disgustingness. Luckily, if you’re not happy with the 30 farts that are on offer you can fart on your iPhone and record it for the laugh. I personally can’t wait for Christmas, when a free festive-themed fart pack becomes available.

5. Man Poke

This is just a bargain! If you don’t feel that you’re being annoying enough in your day-to-life, why not download an app for 89c that lets you poke the living daylights out of a picture of a man on the screen. It is advertised as a virtual stress ball, a release for all the frustrations in your life. If you’re that frustrated, maybe you shouldn’t risk beating up your phone and having to pay for a new one.

Follow Danielle on Twitter: @DaniS1006.